Emotional Intelligence v. Emotional Schemas
One day in passing, I had a conversation with a female who did not care too much about her appearance, but that's not the point here. She brought up the subject of her boyfriend. It was around income tax refund time and she mentioned that he wanted to sit at the park in the rain, we both thought, huh? What he really wanted was for her to help him get his car fixed. Then it hit me, I was trying to get her to see my point of view (outsiders usually have a better vantage point) that he only wants her money. I didn't want to add salt to the game, but there was no game to add salt to, lol. I couldn't get through to her, so I backed off and just listened as she rambled on about how its like this and like that, but he was calling her every 5 minutes asking where she was. I realized he was just playing the role of being into her and to spend a little time to get what he ultimately wants, control. As I listened more deeply ( active listening) to what she was really saying, I heard what she was actually feeling, used and unloved, but settling for the idea of the thing more so than the person. How often do we settle and miss out on what's really out there for us, but until we work on ourselves, we will continue to attract what we fear the most. My fear is being controlled, so when I face that fear it dissipates. I saw the control he had over her because he kept calling her and she kept explaining where she was and why it was taking so long. For a second, I felt sorry for her, then I didn't. I began to get a little annoyed because there was nothing I could do to help her; therefore, I had no control. I had to let it go. Those are her choices and she has to live with them or not as we all do. So, I said goodbye as we parted ways and I saw a bit of regret in her countenance, I saw past what she was trying to portray, I saw an UNREQUITED LOVE.